the hunt for homeostasis

1.24.12 A few weeks ago, I spent approximately 55 minutes untangling the most impossibly small chain from itself. In my mind, it was a combination of the sentimental connection to the necklace (it was my mom's) and thus wanting to rescue it, and also just a compulsion to untangle something that seemed completely impossible to unravel. My successful restoration of this necklace, which doesn't even fit me, left me feeling triumphant. But then I stood up, looked at the much larger tangled mess than is my craft room, walked out and shut the door. I didn't reopen it until last night.

I've been feeling a bit tangled lately inside my own head, my craft room simply being a manifestation of the delicate disaster that is the contents of my dome. It's not that I'm depressed, or tired, or even overworked. It's just that I kind of don't know what to do next. If writer's block is having a million thoughts and not knowing how to organize them into a series of words that make sense, then that's what I have. I also have crafter's block; same church, different pew as Em says.

1.28.12 Over the course of the weekend, I dismantled, sorted, piled up donations and trashed quite a bit to help morph my craft room into a space that resembles what I always intended for it. I cleaned off my desk, including a good ol' wipe down which left the rag coated in dried paint, dust, pieces of jumprings and chain that ricocheted all over the place, and glitter. Lots of glitter. I pulled out some old trifle containers I found a million years at the Christmas Tree Shop near Em's grammie's house, and made my workspace both functional AND cute, but mostly just...serene. I sorted through all of my projects - ancient unfinished and finished pieces (save for framing them and/or sending them off to their new homes) as well as all of the new ideas - and created a queue for completion. Having them in my field of vision will certainly help me plow through them. Tucked away in drawers and boxes, they are simply forgotten.

I also had some really great conversations with Angela and Em, and while I don't have the same clarity I wished for when I started this post a few days ago, I do at least feel better about things. I'm given to brief AND prolonged periods of stagnation, where I feel like there is just absolutely nothing I can do to blog/craft/work/love/bake/whatever better, thus leaving me to constantly ask myself the question "what's the point?" over and over again. Sigh. Rather than pushing through these insecurities and dropping the anchor of self-doubt I willingly carry around, I just sit. And mope. And sit. Here's to pushing forward and through.

1 comment:

  1. So insightful--that your craft room is a manifestation of your inner thoughts. I never thought of it that way, but it seems to hold true!

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