Wedding Season

As the season for joining in holy matrimony approaches and absolutely everything I love and find remotely interesting...craft, design, food...turns into a heteronormative love fest, I just need to say something very simple, very well-intended, and important.

No matter how you wrap it up, it isn't easy for me or my GLTBTQ brethren (and, yes, I am comfortable generalizing this for the entirety of the gay community) to be bombarded with sentiments, images, ideas, tips, suggestions, or anything else that helps create that one special day so overwhelmingly special for the people entering into wedded bliss.  I am not cynical when it comes to love, but as someone who has to regularly sublimate my rage at the inequities present when it comes to legally validating my relationship, this season is profoundly hard.  I know that I can go into Washington DC or a few other states who have felt it legally reprehensible to deny LGBTQ people the right to enter into the legal contract, with innumerable benefits, of marriage; but what if I need to leave the security of those places for a job, or for my parents?  It's not simple, because it doesn't mean anything anywhere else I go.

Em and I talked about our engagement and the next steps we want to take in order to solidify our bond and I was rather pointed in my response to it.  Our love has no contract, ever.  I would be over the moon if I could marry Em tomorrow and have all the benefits, no matter where I go, that heterosexuals have right now.  Often I wish those benefits were just available to all people, no matter who or why, so that marriage was truly just a declaration of commitment to those people who were actually interested in being coupled for a while or for eternity.  I am not impatient about the tides shifting and for gay marriage to be a legal reality.  I am conscious that it will take a while, if for no other reason than just administratively.  While we wait, though, it's hard.  It's knot-in-my-throat maddening to to see image after image of crinoline and lace, floral arrangements and bridesmaid gifts.  It makes me wonder about the direction of our civilization sometimes, prizing pomp and circumstance for individuals over betterness for the whole.  I can't stop people from getting married any more than I can stop them from being in love, but in any case, my feelings are real.  And it's hard.

Image: Owl Love You Forever - $60


  1. So, I can't imagine. I mean, I can, a little bit - I'm African-American, and up until, what, 23 years ago, I couldn't have married someone of a different race. I wasn't even born in 1967 (okay, okay, soon thereafter, though), so I know it's different, but still, a little similar, I think? I just think fair is fair. I know I'm mixing the legal metaphors a bit, but there is no such thing as separate but equal, so to my mind in this case, what's good for the goose is not only good for the gander, but good for the goose who loves a goose and for the gander who loves a gander.

    And, how lucky for you that you've found love! I can't imagine what that's like, and more than that, not to be able to have it officially recognized - blessed and lucky on the one hand, and punished on the other. I feel like it steals some of your joy, that, and seems completely unfair. So, where was I going? I guess I just wanted to say I am pulling for you!

  2. Also, I was saving this for a blog post, and just found it in my email stream, with the title, Hipster Love (because I'm usually not a hipster fan - labels are wrong, I know, but still...) Anyway, I'm posting this as notice that that are folks fighting the good fight all around us, so change is coming.

  3. I don't know what to say to this, other than that I love how you've written it. This matters. This needs fixing.

    I hope that within my lifetime we'll be able to look back at this period with shame that we as a nation were ever so stupid.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

All content © Meaghan O'Malley, 2009-2012. Header image by Rebekka Seale.