No matter how you wrap it up, it isn't easy for me or my GLTBTQ brethren (and, yes, I am comfortable generalizing this for the entirety of the gay community) to be bombarded with sentiments, images, ideas, tips, suggestions, or anything else that helps create that one special day so overwhelmingly special for the people entering into wedded bliss. I am not cynical when it comes to love, but as someone who has to regularly sublimate my rage at the inequities present when it comes to legally validating my relationship, this season is profoundly hard. I know that I can go into Washington DC or a few other states who have felt it legally reprehensible to deny LGBTQ people the right to enter into the legal contract, with innumerable benefits, of marriage; but what if I need to leave the security of those places for a job, or for my parents? It's not simple, because it doesn't mean anything anywhere else I go.
Em and I talked about our engagement and the next steps we want to take in order to solidify our bond and I was rather pointed in my response to it. Our love has no contract, ever. I would be over the moon if I could marry Em tomorrow and have all the benefits, no matter where I go, that heterosexuals have right now. Often I wish those benefits were just available to all people, no matter who or why, so that marriage was truly just a declaration of commitment to those people who were actually interested in being coupled for a while or for eternity. I am not impatient about the tides shifting and for gay marriage to be a legal reality. I am conscious that it will take a while, if for no other reason than just administratively. While we wait, though, it's hard. It's knot-in-my-throat maddening to to see image after image of crinoline and lace, floral arrangements and bridesmaid gifts. It makes me wonder about the direction of our civilization sometimes, prizing pomp and circumstance for individuals over betterness for the whole. I can't stop people from getting married any more than I can stop them from being in love, but in any case, my feelings are real. And it's hard.
Image: Owl Love You Forever - $60